Every generation thinks that they will crack the code for great parenting and a good marriage. The young ones always frown upon the older married couples, thinking I will do things differently and similarly the older couples would like to impart their two cents on what makes a marriage work. I write this article, as I celebrate five years of marriage with my husband. We are neither the young ones nor that old into our relationship. I don’t have any advice for the young ones, nor do I have any ears for the old ones. Here I merely pen my thoughts on what our journey has been so far. I probably have been sitting on this idea for the past few years since 5 sits about right to gather and present my thoughts.
Every love story that starts of in a university, always has a cheesy factor to it. As did ours. He was a guy’s guy and maybe a few friends meddling got us more interested in each other. Challenge a guy, ‘that this girl is not going to go out with you’ and tell a girl, he might be a bad influence. Bam! There will date each other. We both had our respective reputations which were far from what we actually were. But that kept others away and got us together. What started off as interest, moved to conversations with a lot of width and sometimes a lot of depth. Coffee dates, badminton matches, cycling through the campus, cheering for each other’s sport and lots of food later we realised that marriage for us, meant the two of us. The opposite gender for the both of us did not fit in the limits of our differential equation, we had become a linear equation. 🤓
Once you decide, who you want to get married to, life gets easier. Obviously all of us think that’s the most difficult part is, deciding the who?. There are a lot of questions, opinions, differences and preferences which need to be sorted out before hand. Since both come from different families where the idea of living is different, it is better to lay the ground rules from either side. These often lead to arguments but if your values and beliefs are similar, then both of you figure out a way. Atleast that’s what we learnt.
The wedding can be another chapter on itself, since Indian weddings are nothing short of simple. Even the rituals are a couple of days long, forget the emotions and mental preparations behind it. At this point of my 5 year wedding anniversary, I have no recollection of what happened. I just sailed through it. It was one big celebration of families coming together and our parents took care of it.
The first year of marriage, is pretty much what they show in bollywood movies, where it’s fun, festival, travel, some more festivals, little bit drama and then some more festivals. Everything is for the first time and hence more special. You are also sharing space with another person, which will also challenge you. Somehow through all this you figure out the balance in your relationships. Like my husband figured, that I like my mornings quiet till I have done my yoga+meditation and had my cup of coffee.
For us, the years after our first are a bit of a blur. We figured what the other wanted in the first year of marriage and then developed a liking for it. Like I figured my husband is fond of bike rides, a hobby which I have picked up because of him. He has developed a taste for my insatiable food choices. In conclusion, I would pick a place I want to eat and we would make a bike ride out of it. And this is a happy adjustment. There are a few others which took some time to shape and some are taking shape even today. And that is the beauty of it, that you never settle in a marriage. We often confuse ‘settling’ to ‘security’ but these are very different emotions. Settling brings the thought of giving up, and accepting as it is. Security is knowing you are protected physically, mentally and emotionally. With that we challenge each other to grow more, push each other to achieve more and be a better version of yourself.
And by now, I think the younger folks are probably thinking that I am dishing out another dose of advice and the old ones are frowing, thinking I am being a smart-ass. So I will leave it here for now. I will probably have some more details to share in the next 5 years.
This article is for my husband. You are the butter to my bread, the wind beneath my wings, the ice pack to my anger and at times the irritation lurking behind my smile.
Happy Anniversary! ❤️
