The Woman as a Mother
It is that part of the night, when even the late-night hustle has dropped. One can hear the soft breeze and the dogs howling in the distance. All the degrees from Undergrad, Postgrad and Doctoral could not push my sleep time but, that has changed. This is now my own time since, my son is sleeping.
My baby turned six months, and somewhere during the day it struck me that I have been a new Mother for exactly that long. The days are a blur. Sometimes they pass too fast and, sometimes too slow. The months however pass way to fast. One moment I was holding him like a delicate doll to holding him now in one arm while he tries to summersault. He has changed a lot over the course of these months and every face of his, I hold in my heart and cherish. The capacity to love is known once you become a Mother, for you find places in your heart which you didn’t even know existed.
They say that being a Mother is difficult, I am still new. However, I know this, that it is sometime sweet and sometime brutal and, sometimes all together at once. I have cried hard and broken down. I have time and again lost myself. It has rocked me deeply, such that the tectonic ripples on my soul will never go back to what it was. It has rebuilt me!
Being a Mother, undoes you mentally and emotionally. The physical toll is different and not like this. Up until becoming a Mother, I probably had patience, calmness, tolerance, peace and grace all in my kitty. Now I am dancing and singing in public places to entertain my baby, so there goes the grace. Tolerance towards toxic people and calmness to respond to their nonsense has, absolutely evaporated. Oh! And you must see me now, when I see someone treating my child in a not so loving manner, I am quick to snap. This version of me is Stronger, Fiercer, yet Loving and Caring. Now I understand why Daenerys Targaryen became the woman she was, once she became Mother to her dragons.
That said, there are many more questions that come along. Career or No Career? Absolutely losing yourself to Motherhood or holding that individuality? There are many more such dilemmas in front of us. And believe me neither of the sides is ever truly pleasing to the society. There are always faults if you go whichever way. For me, with a Doctoral degree, the automatic reaction for people to presume is that I would choose career and if not, then I am not putting it to use. I on the other hand have created a space for myself such that I can go to work when I want and, with who I want. At least that’s what I feel my PhD has done for me. So believe me Mamas, and the families of those Mamas, empower yourself to know what is right for you and your baby. And from what I now know, there is no right or wrong. As we find different places in our hearts, we find the potential of the woman we are meant to be. We as Mothers are being rebuilt according to the needs of our children and, the Mother, that the child needs.
